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The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” — William James
In high-performance sport, it’s not always a lack of skill that causes mistakes or meltdowns, it’s the thinking traps that distort how athletes see themselves, their teammates, coaches, and the game. These thinking traps often occur when under pressure. Even the most talented athletes can fall into mental habits that quietly erode confidence, focus, and composure. As parents, understanding these thinking traps, and how to help your competitive or high performance athlete navigate them can make a huge difference in their development and wellbeing. Below are seven common cognitive thinking traps athletes face under pressure and how parents can support them through each. _______________
1. The Spotlight Effect: “Everyone Saw My Mistake”Athletes often believe everyone coaches, teammates, parents, even the crowd is watching and judging their every move. After a bad game, a mistake they assume everyone noticed. The reality is how much impact did the play actually have? In many sports, especially team sports mistakes are part of the game. Often the team that makes the fewest mistakes wins. So it isn’t about the mistake(s) that are made, but about the impact of the mistake. If the mistake had impact (i.e. a goal against) versus a mistake that caused a turnover and no goal against was there really any impact on the game? Parent Tip: Normalize mistakes. After tough games, say things like, “It probably feels like everyone noticed, but most people are focused on the next play. What matters is how you respond.”
Help them zoom out – this teaches emotional regulation and resilience while looking at the mistake with the lens of “did this have any impact on the game”. 2. Anchoring: “One bad shift doesn’t mean a bad game”Athletes can get stuck on early in game situations. One mistake, one rough period, and their whole mindset shifts. Just because you have a bad first shift or five minutes does not mean you have a whole bad game. Just because your team is behind early on in the game doesn’t mean the game is over or you’ll play poorly. Parent Tip: Reinforce flexibility. “It’s a long game – one shift doesn’t define it.”
By emphasizing adaptability, you help them develop the mental agility that separates consistent performers from streaky ones. 3. Loss Aversion: “I Don’t Want to Mess Up or fear of making mistakes”Athletes often play it safe because the fear of failure feels worse than the thrill of success. The problem? Playing not to lose is one of the quickest ways to lose. Coaches, scouts and decision makers at the next level understand mistakes happen, but they are looking for athletes that can make a play and don’t look to play it safe all the time. They even want to see how you react after the mistake. Parent Tip: Encourage courage. Ask after games: “What did you try today that was bold?”
Reward effort and initiative, not just outcomes. This fosters a growth mindset, the hallmark of mentally strong athletes. 4. Confirmation Bias: “I Always Choke in Big Moments”When athletes believe something negative about themselves, their brain looks for proof, and ignores evidence to the contrary. It is a good bet their self-talk will get very negative and they will be hard on themselves and write a very unhelpful narrative for themselves. Parent Tip: Challenge the story, not the athlete. “Is that always true? Can you think of a time you performed well in pressure moments?”
Helping your athlete rewrite unhelpful narratives is one of the most powerful forms of mental coaching you can offer. 5. Fundamental Attribution Error: “It’s Everyone Else’s Fault”Athletes sometimes blame others for failure (“coach doesn’t like me,” “teammates don’t pass”) while taking full credit for success. This limits accountability and self-awareness. Parent Tip: Model balanced thinking. “What part of that play could you control better next time?”
This doesn’t assign blame, it teaches responsibility, self-reflection, and growth. 6. The Better-Than-Average Effect: “I’m Already Doing Enough”Many athletes think they work harder than most, but when everyone feels that way, growth stops. There are countless stories about famous athletes who talk about doing more, or how hard it was at the next level. Unfortunately there are even more stories about athletes who never made it because they didn’t do enough! Parent Tip: Ask for evidence. “What’s one thing you’re doing this week that most athletes aren’t?”
This encourages humility and self-assessment – traits that fuel long-term excellence. 7. The Ostrich Effect: “I Don’t Want to Watch My Mistakes”When feedback feels threatening, athletes avoid it. They skip video review, tune out coaches, or avoid tough conversations. The ability to accept constructive criticism is key. The challenge for humans let alone athletes is this gets us out of our comfort zone. The kiss of death isn’t when the coach is giving you feedback. The kiss of death is when the coach no longer talks to you. This is a signal they have given up on you because you aren’t learning, or competing. Parent Tip: Reframe feedback. “Feedback isn’t criticism, it’s information that helps you improve.”
The more comfortable athletes become with discomfort, the faster they grow. Create space where reflection feels safe enough to handle the constructive criticism….aka feedback. _______________
How Parents Can Strengthen Mental Clarity at HomeThe best parents in sport don’t protect their athletes from pressure, they equip them to handle it better. Here’s how you can model elite thinking at home: ✅ Talk about how you handle mistakes in your own work or life. “We can’t control every thought that comes into our head, but we can control which ones we give power to.”
_______________ Action for the Week:Pick one of these traps and talk it through with your athlete this week when you notice they are having a bad day or look off. “Which of these thinking traps do you fall into most, and what could you do differently next time?”
Use real examples from training or competition to make it concrete. Final Thought:Every athlete has the talent to succeed, but it’s their thinking that determines how high they climb. _______________ Suggested Resource of the Week:If you want to help your athlete build the mental skills to avoid these thinking traps, build confidence, focus, resilience, emotional regulation, and consistency our Foundations & Fundamentals of Mental Performance Program is the perfect starting point. It teaches athletes how their mind works under pressure and gives them practical tools they can use immediately in training and competition. Parents consistently tell us that this program helps their athlete become more self-aware, more coachable, and more confident in high-pressure moments. If you’re looking for a structured, evidence-based way to help your athlete think more clearly, perform more consistently, and handle adversity better this is the program to start with. You can learn more by clicking the button below.
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Athlete Thinking Traps – How Parents Can Help Athletes Think More Clearly Under Pressure
